When I was younger I spent a lot of time trying to win the approval of my father, trying to hear from him (verbatim) that he was proud of me. I spent a lot of time crying and wondering what else I could do for him to approve and love me like I wanted. In great frustration and pride I didn’t always respond to him the way I should have.
One day in church Pastor brought this Word “Honor your father and mother,” which is the first commandment with promise: “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” (Ephesians 6:2-3) and he spoke about how much things would have been different in his own life had he had the revelation before hand and asked each of us to please make amends where you can if your parents are still alive. That night I knocked on the bedroom door and asked if I could talk to him and sat beside him on the bed while he sat in his recliner chair. I began to speak to him about how I felt and began to cry and asked him to forgive me for anything that I may have said or done that hurt him. He held my hand for a while and said nothing. After a few minutes he said ‘chicken (as he would usually call me – I don’t know why) you know daddy will always love you’. I kissed him on his cheeks and left his room.
A few years later in 2008 I was gainfully employed and wanted to do something nice for him so I called and got his shoe size and bought a really expensive pair of shoes (daddy mostly work Clarks) the Friday before Father’s day. I’m not really into the whole Father’s day/Mother’s day thing but I just felt that I should do it. I brought it home and hid it so I could give it to him Sunday morning but I was too excited so I gave him Saturday during the day, he smiled and said thanks, told me I shouldn’t have spent the money on him blah blah blah. Saturday night we were at church and my sister called to say daddy isn’t feeling well I think you guys should come home. Later that night we had to call and ambulance to take him to Mt Hope. I kissed him and told him Happy Father’s day a little after midnight, we joked while we was in the emergency ward about how this wasn’t the Father’s day we had planned. Later that morning he was admitted and spent 3 weeks in hospital before he eventually died on July 4. Every day without fail after work I would go to Mt Hope, sometimes mere minutes before the end of visiting hours. Even if I didn’t get to stay for long I would kiss him and leave.
After he died I spent a lot of time thinking about how much I wish I knew about him, how much time I spent being prideful, how much I wished we were closer. It was only after he died I learned so much about him and realised that he really did the best that he could with the knowledge and information that he had.
There are some things that he taught me that I will pass on to my own children, because of him I try to tell my nieces every time I see them how much I love them and that I believe in their greatness, I learned to appreciate laughter and how sometimes love and family meet around a dining room table.
At times I wish he was still here so we can talk about travel and politics. I wish he was still around so he could teach my children to sing the way he taught me.
I spent a lot of time being wrong and strong based on what I was able to see and now all I have are memories.
To those of you who still have your dad around please treasure him. You may not always see eye to eye, you may not always agree but as a parent he would always want what is best for you although he may not express it properly or how you think he should.
Remember the commandment in Ephesians is without condition, it isn’t whether or not your parents have always been there or have always treated you with kindness. Honour is honour is honour. Because you never know when it’ll be your last time, your last Father’s day, birthday, Christmas, whatever. Honour is 24hrs a day, 7dys a week.
So to all the father’s I salute you. Never take your roll in shaping the lives of your children lightly. A mother carries a child for 9mths but within you (father) carries the seed. Don’t take it for granted.
Happy Father’s day.
Life. Food. Love 